Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
