Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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