I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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