I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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