the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
