How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
