EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize