Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
