I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
