Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
