and you said cock pushups were impossible
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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