So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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