were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
