think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
