please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
