He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
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I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.