they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed