Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
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if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way