So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.