My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
