you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
