I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
