good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
