Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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