if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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