If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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