so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
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I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
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He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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