There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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