Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
