Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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