You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
