Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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