i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
