Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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