sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
