Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
