dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
