I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
