Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
