I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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