Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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