my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
