Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he fucked my hip out of place.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
