I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
