I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
