I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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