Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
