Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
