Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
