We should be called the Road Head Warriors
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
