4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My vagina just clenched in fear
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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