Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
