Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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