We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
