I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
