i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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