i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
