i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
