My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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