planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
