I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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