my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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