Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
