I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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