Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
