New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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