dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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