My liver just broke up with me...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
