as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
